Betelgeuse the Bio-Exorcist

[spiderswelcome]

You've likely heard of the spotted lanternfly, but have you heard of the Japanese beetle? They're just as horrible. Every summer I have to fill my bug jar - a large jar that is usually used to catch and release bugs - with dish soap suds, I have to select a stick from my yard which is suitable for flicking beetles into the soap suds, and every single day - MULTIPLE TIMES PER DAY - I must meticulously scour every rose bush and cypress tree and crepe myrtle for Japanese beetles and I must murder every single one of them. There are thousands. I kill at least 60 every day, possibly 100. Every day for about 4 months. It's the only way to get rid of them. They're invasive and do nothing other than destroy every tasty flower and leaf. They love soft flowers, like roses and crepe myrtle, and they have a notable preference for the lighter colors over the darker colors. But they wreck the light colors so fast that they have to settle for the dark colors. This year they even hit the magnolia flowers, which I thought were too thick for them. Birds and some spiders can eat them, but there are too many. If I weren't hunting them myself, they would be an absolute nightmare. Outside would be like a terrarium for Japanese beetles. There would be zero flowers. They would be crawling all over the place. They would be all over the window screens.

I'm generally a pro-bug person. My username is literal: spiders are welcome here. Here in my home, but especially in my garden. I'm so genuinely happy to see spiders on the roses, building webs in the trees and on the deck, I call them all friends. I also love many other bug friends: moths, dragonflies, butterflies, beetles, earthworms, bumblebees, grasshoppers, crickets, centipedes, millipedes, slugs, weevils. I do struggle with some, obviously wasps are scary haha but I am trying to be their friend too now. Ants are also a struggle because there are so so so so many of them and they bite me when I'm just walking in my yard. Mosquitoes are not friendly at all, but they do feed the dragonflies and bats. Ticks are horrifying, fortunately there don't seem to be any in my yard (in NJ they were everywhere, here in NC I've yet to see a single one!). Anyway, it is truly soul-crushing to have to kill all these Japanese beetles. They're very pretty, and they're totally harmless to anything other than plants. In Japan, they have natural predators that keep them in check. If ever I visit Japan and see one of these beetles, I will gladly just hang out with it. But when thousands upon thousands fly over to my garden just to pig out on all the flowers WHICH MEANS NO FLOWERS FOR POLLINATORS OR SPIDERS then I have to choose sides ... and I'm team flowers. I'll battle all these beetles to keep the flowers blooming.

All I want is to be able to chill in the rose garden, smell the rosy air, say hi to all my spider friends and every lizard and toad and dragonfly and butterfly and bumblebee.